Retrospection - LXVII

Rossie allowed his mind to continue to reminisce his thoughts about Annie , while wondering where on earth he was , recollecting that he was somewhere in Nagaland , in the extreme Northeastern part of the Indian sub continent , once his location became clear his mind switched back to his reminiscence about Annie, here was a woman - he thought - and then rephrased his mental query' what the fuck ? Is wrong with her ? With that inner question his mind seemed suddenly going chaotic, as a series of differing inner voices questioned each other debating and countering - who are we to term her decisions , wrong ? While another parallel inner voice seemed to say of course ! with a simultaneous mental repartee countering , " she's now been through 3-4 abusive living relationships, 4 failed marriages, several children across different parts of the world , result of her marriage and other relations across America, Africa, UK, India - and now She' s become the toast of life inside , Sonagachi, Kolkatta !

Rossie's mind continued its inner debate, So ? Asked one more inner voice, of course said another, what the fuck? repeated yet another and Rossie finally decided to step in control , stop you fuckers, Stop !!! As if all the inner voices floating inside his own mind were personalities of an outside society - he mentally responded with a voice full of aggression and anger " I was married to her too , I too have children, now living in Argentina , born out of my marriage with Annie, She was love personified but what screwed our relations was my inability to give her, her freedom - Annie is a free bird , ferociously free and yet kind and patient ... She's capable of taking a huge amount of abuse - verbal, physical, mental, psychological etc - but what she just can't endure is anyone who tries to force her into a certain kind of cultural bracket or a certain kind of social norm or anything that forces her to behave unnatural to her own Inner self , her own free self.

She was proud to be a woman with a free mind and she made that aspect very clear before saying Yes to any marriage.

Coming back to life

When the lights go down ... Was the song that I last heard before I slipped into that long sleep...I also remembered Annie was weeping silently , in her small 4x4 room - actually her brothel - located deep inside the Sonagachi, Kolkatta, she was telling me how she had taken this "avatar" to live out the life of a 'tawaif' ... Just to know that side of the story and how she was enduring the severity of experiences inside that cockpit , she was already an alcoholic while at Harvard but now she had acquired other weird addictions - chewing paan, gutka, kheini, smoking hash and snorting powders of all sorts ... - to me despite her apparent decadence from being the most sought after of Contemporary Philosophers of the world to her current underground status as a regular prostitute at one of the worlds most poetic red light district wasn't really a fall from grace , in fact it added so much more to her persona , to her resolve - to Step out and live out - the Characters that captured her imagination , characters who represented some of her deepest philosophical questions about "LIFE" about what it meant to be a woman, a wife of a Masai warrior deep inside the jungles of Africa or to be a ' sought after tawaif ' in Sonagachi, that kind of an ability , to just identify a personality and then dive into that life almost effortlessly - demanded guts and resolve and a kind of rare craziness , making you wonder where did she get all that ability from ? What's it that's driving her ? What does she want ? What's her search or research about ? Ultimately where was it all leading to ?

I had asked her all those questions , she was too blown to answer - or so I thought - becoz she did give me a wicked smile to my questions as she touched my hair and twirled it while acting lost, binging on substance abuse. 

Rossie had met Annie a few years ago at the Jaipur literary festival , it was a warm, balmy evening after one of his lectures, Annie too was a speaker , she had just finished an essay about the life and Philosophy of the African Masai's and her experience as a wife of one of the Chieftains, She had married, she had spoken passionately about her Children , about being a hunter, bread winner and home maker inside the African jungles - she was also asked some incisive questions about her sex life with the Masai's , which would have otherwise embarrassed other normal woman - Annie answered the questions with a cool , calm drawl and occasional humour , her answers seemed almost academic but the honesty behind those answers was simply enrapturing - Rossie was besotted at first sight , he considered himself fortunate that they met - just when he had rolled a joint and had stepped out to enjoy smoking pot in the open - Annie was occupying the neighbouring hut , in the same resort they were being hosted. 

Such is life , when you are free - you really experience it. 

It is only when you are free you come back to life - and Annie is Life. 

17 jun 15